When Old Enemies Raise Their Ugly Heads

This is just a short post today, due to circumstances beyond my control. I’m not looking forward to this afternoon, in fact I would be much much happier to stay at work and carry on working my ass off like a hyperactive hummingbird, because it helps take my mind off shit I’ve got to deal with this afternoon.

I will spare you the grizzly details, but suffice to say that the situation involves those of authority (Social Services) and the future of my Mother’s health care. My annoying little friends, ‘Nervous Anxiety’ ‘Panic Attack’ and their cousin ‘Gloomy Blues’ have popped in to see me today and look as though they intend to accompany me for the whole daunting two hour meeting.

Fucking hands are shaking as I’m trying to type and I keep wanting to clench my fingers into claws… I hate feeling like this, hate the fact that these little bastards can creep up and gnaw away at my peace of mind. I used to live with them constantly, however, this current visitation is due to concern for my Mother and not my own mental health.

Though it goes to show that they can still linger within the cave of doubt inside my mind, raising their ugly heads every-so-often to nibble at my confidence and trigger my imagination into an overdrive of worst case scenarios.

For I have no idea what will happen within those two hours and I just want the best for my Mum, even though she can’t always remember my name…

 

Anne Harrison 10.05.16

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