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#wordlesswednesday

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231/365

My Sky

Between the buildings, down the road, in the distance. Clouds rise like mountains of snow, creating an illusion of landscape that is not there.

I see more sky than land upon my daily travels, arching high, multicoloured and expression-full. Mimicking moods. Mimicking passion. Mimicking our existence.

Eternal the sky churns beyond our frail years – witness to all our crimes and kindness – beneath its skirts we are but ants – just less organised.

Forever changing – Forever moving – Forever gracing our lives. At sun-fall. it transforms once more reaching out further into time and space. Dark, foreboding, scattered with stars and satellites – still it watches over us.

We see the limits of our world and the limitless of space – through the change from night to day. We are dust in time.

I address the sky as a friend – an immortal – beautiful – dangerous friend – never static – sometimes still – sometimes dramatic. Yet it always dresses our lives, for its always there. Gracing us with a beautiful back drop to our days.

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Stepping up My Game

I’m on my third monthly challenge… January = No Meat, February = No Chocolate and March = No Cake (I’m struggling with March – with three strikes against my name – but when one of the best coffee shops in Leicester is vanishing … That’s become my excuse)

So, I’m going to step up the challenge somewhat, as I feel the need to care for me. I’ve had a bit of a wibbily-wobbily-week last week and tugged my way through by using writing as a medium to focus – However I also noticed that I reached for comfort food and using recent dramas as an excuse – It’s OK to stuff my face with cheesy puffs because I’m rather stressed… Well it’s not and I have been doing so well, so why let myself down, by reaching for food when I’m not even hungry.

I’ve quit smoking in the past and I’ve quit drinking – both of which have helped turn my life around – So it’s time for a change (again) …

January helped me to enjoy cooking again, especially, working with new ingredients and plenty of beautiful veg – So I have decided to go Vegetarian full time instead of simply cutting meat down to two or three times a week.

Wow – there you have it – I’ve put it into words now… I suppose it’s not a huge exciting reveal (apologies) but after plenty of thought, since January, I feel comfortable with the idea and feel happy to start a more full length adventure into being a Veggie …

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It never rains, but it pours …

… And not just in regards to the weather this last week.

Thanks to those who kindly commented on last nights very swift blog, it’s a pleasure to know folks care… After pulling myself up from a rather nasty migraine (which, thankfully, I don’t get frequently). I’m once again entangled in more drama, regarding Dad and his health.

My Dad has always been someone I have looked up too, he has always been active, supportive, loving and kind. Doing an incredible amount of voluntary work, with both the St John Ambulance while he was working and upon the Great Central Railway, since his retirement. Before we lost Mum, they also worked together as Foster carers for lost and poorly kitties, small litters and cats recovering from operations.

So, there’s never been a dull moment … Sadly, since loosing Mum, his health has been on the decline – yet he still remains stubbornly active – even joining a gym! (at 79) This year has been particually difficult and last night marked the third medical emergency, where he has needed urgent attention.

I am thankful that I am in a position where I can help and support him in return. I am thankful my own health gives me the strength to provide the aid he requires and I am thankful for all he has done in the past.

Sometimes, you have to push back everything you want to / need to do in favour of supporting others – in that regards – therein lays my maternal nature… that and weening kittens!

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Once again I find myself standing outside in the cold, in pj’s waiting for an ambulance.

Someone once said, perhaps you don’t need to be a mother, because your caring loving attention is required elsewhere.

I’m starting to understand that and I’m also glad I’ve been able to regain my own strength after this week.

I feel like I’m going to need it tonight…

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The Healing Quality of Words

I am thankful for the ability to be able to write through dips when they hit. Even if my words are simply vague, my thoughts just scattered nonsense. Having this small corner of the internet to be free, free from judgment and free from trolls to be open, honest and me.

To freely say, I’m ill and I need to work through this. Even though it’s nothing serious, but unpleasant enough to be off work for two days, which I dislike. Instead of getting myself frazzled and letting my anxiety grasp my mind with horrible ‘what-if’ churning thoughts – Instead I wrote – I wrote here and in my physical journal. To clear this negativity and stopping it from taking hold.

I like to think that this aided the healing process, even if it was just to ease my worries and therefore not adding to an existing migraine with further issues. I wrote about feeling like shit – I wrote about how I can avoid another burn out – I wrote ideas and lists – making notes for improvement. I allowed my words to flow free, even if I repeated myself and some of it was actually beyond by abilities.

Yet I am now inspired instead of gloomy, my migraine has lifted and the cause identified as anemia – which can also be dealt with – I’m bouncing back with a spring in my step and a gleam in my eyes – hope in my words and sincere gratitude for my ability to write freely and write through this blip – now, must be time for a lovely cuppa tea …

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