Spilling the Tea

A Personal Blog

I am driving myself crazy right now, so the best thing I can do, in order to try and work through this. Is to write …

My anxiety is sky high, I’m not eating, I’m not sleeping, I’m consumed by a chain of whirling thoughts, which are totally redliclious in nature.

I’m scratching the skin away on my face until it feels like it is burning and my hands feel like claws, my chest is a maze of uncomfortable knots and I know that I am not in a good place.

Neither am I diagnosed with anxiety, I am not on any medication, I don’t see a doctor or have any medical support regarding the feelings detailed above.

I have a nearly empty bottle of Rescue Remedy and that’s it.

Despite the fact I feel frozen in my mind, I still function normally, if anything I’m more focused and obsessed, because action distracts the mind. I’m a very highly functioning depressive.

It does not halt me to the point of inability. But everything feels like I’m wading through fog, but that fog is only within my head.

These irrational fears claw away at the inside of my skull and I know, somehow, tomorrow, everything will change again and (hopefully) this fog will be lifted.

Ironically, I do not consider myself to actually have depression. I have had depression in the past, true brutal self destructive depression. This is mild by comparison. That is why I choose not to bother any Doctors.

This anxiety is triggered by stress, just as the itchy skin condition that flares up. Because I’m driven by stress, I fear mistakes, I fear judgement, I fear hurting someone else accidentally by my actions. All these fears snowball into a collection of irrational circumstances, which my exhausted mind fixates over and I can’t rest.

I’m Spilling the Tea on myself tonight, not to bother anyone, or to crave pity or demand support. But because I need to get this out my head and into words, I can’t write, because sitting at my desk feels like too much effort, I can’t physically write down these words on paper, so I wanted to create a blog.

I may even delete this once I have calmed down and feel stupid for exposing my weakness in such a public way … but trust me, this helps, it really does.

Once you write it down, you see just how ridiculous it all sounds and how much the mind can play silly games with you when you’re shattered and just need sleep.

Hopefully, everything will be ok tomorrow.

I don’t know ???

But for now, I can at least try to sleep…

Thank you for listening

35 thoughts on “Spilling the Tea

  1. I can empathise, I’ve really struggled this week with my depression. It has been horrible. If you would like someone to talk to, I may not know the right thing to say but I will listen 💚

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I like that idea, I also like the fact that it appears to have come into my life around the same time as a spiritual ‘nudge’ as it were…

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  2. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. ☹️This sounds like really bad anxiety, or an anxiety attack perhaps? One thing I can suggest would be to avoid taking any kind of stimulants. I know you said you don’t take medications, but if you are a coffee drinker, the caffeine (it’s a stimulant) could be heightening your anxiety. I say this because cutting out coffee unintentionally has lessened my anxiety. A LOT. I’m passing along this info in case it could be useful to you. ☕️

    This also includes strong black teas, like steeped orange pekoe tea and English Breakfast (it’s popular in Europe). They tend to be higher in caffeine compare to green and white teas, which still have caffeine but to a lesser degree. Listen to your body. We all have this ability to tap into what it’s trying to tell us. 🙏🏻💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have no idea how guilty I feel, reading this reply with a coffee … Oops xx

      Seriously though, I have some Peppermint Tea, so I’ll swap brews xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So sorry you are struggling. At one point I did go to the Dr and was prescribed antidepressants. First 1 a day, then 2, then 3 …. didn’t help at all! You are clearly incredibly strong, and I applaud you for dealing with it your way, keep doing that! Any time you need to talk, I’m here to listen as I’m sure are many others. The person who knows how best to deal with your anxiety though, is you. You are amazing! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It sounds really egotistical of me to admit this… But I am so glad I was able to write so freely to clear my silly foggy head and get myself back on track (kinda) it’s work in progress. But you have no idea how much writing helped xxx

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  5. Sounds like your doing the right thing by writing it down and getting it out of your head. No shame in going to a doctor if the need arises. Better to see them now than when it’s ten times worse. Just keep communicating, your not alone xx.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Many hugs to your sweet loved ones, may they be loved and supported through their dark days so that the love cuts through with brightness that warms their hearts x

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