Day 2

Of whatever comes into mind.

Or in this case, how the pandemic has made me review my life and started questioning my future. I am still reasonably young, not quite 50, yet I do not feel like I have achieved a lot in life just merrily bumbling along aimlessly without any clear goals or direction, making stupid decisions and generally feeling lost.

So, I could just give up, think I’ve fucked up really well so far, I’m over half way through my years already so what’s the point. Order a big pizza eat a whole tub of ice cream say fuck it and stop caring.

However, life has never been that negative (at all) we just focus on the shitty things that happened more than the positive memories, because negative events hold stronger emotions (I think, I don’t know, I’m no psychiatrist) and that’s not including the days in life that are just meh, you know, the mediocre days where you got up, did stuff, went bed…

So nearly 50 years of my life has been split up into 3 categories. WTF, Meh and ‘this is nice’ yet all this has happened in like what feels like the last 20 minutes as I’m sure I was a teenager like last week playing D&D in my lunch hour.

Time is an abstract illusion and when trying to review a fucked up 40+ years, it feels surreal like trying to swim through syrup. You can’t grasp hold of it, yet you know it’s there.

So is it too late to begin again? The time in lock down made me rethink what I want to do with my life and perhaps actually create a plan of action before I’m 50?

I’m like the anti-influencer… Instead of having all my shit together and promoting how wonderful your life could be if you did as I did and buy the brands I’m sponsored to sell… I’m more of a fucked up middle aged disaster zone with a knee injury and too much time to think…

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of WTF am I doing with my life!