Reflection on Independence

In regards to a recent question

This afternoon upon a stroll around the lake I was asked how long I had been single and I couldn’t answer initially without trying to calculate dates and the following back up question was why was I single?

At the time, upon the walk, I gave vague answers, feeling a little awkward about such questions. Now, with time to reflect, I thought I would ponder over this here…

To begin with, I do not consider myself to be single, I prefer to refer to myself as independent. I simply do not feel as though I need someone else in my life to complicate things and undermine my individuality.

I have no interest in sharing my personal space with anyone but the cats, I have no desire to let anyone close enough to hurt me again.

I enjoy the freedom of listening to what I want, watching what I want, doing what I want, cooking what I want without the need to constantly consult another for what they want and hope these correlate for a comfortable life.

I know that some people love big families, loads of kids, noise and chaos and all that activity. I can accept that some people hate being alone and fear loneliness and solitude. But I fear loosing my independence.

I enjoy the freedom of being able to book a trip away and explore alone. I don’t have to share my bed, my chores or fake an orgasm.

I realise that there are long periods of time where I don’t see anyone or talk to anyone and I realise that only when I need to find small talk again with others.

For the vast majority of my life I believed my happiness was tied up in being a significant other, to be loved and share my life with someone, to have a house a car and cable TV all of which I discovered was an illusion I had been chasing, for none of this brought the happiness I craved.

Happiness I discovered, was found in just being me, by myself, with myself, for myself.

Perhaps as I get older, I will change my mind and once again seek another to make my life whole. I don’t know, I can not see into the future, I can only judge from past experience and current contentment.

So, it doesn’t matter how long I have been solitary, for I am not single, I’m independent and loving life my way.