Trigger Warning

Leaving my past behind

A personal blog… Apologies for the big Trigger Warning in the title, but I don’t want to cause alarm and yet, what I have to say is some form of success.

For a very long time, years I can’t count, I have been unable to handle, hold or use a craft knife without being haunted by painful memories.

In my darkest days I abused tools of my hobbies for self punishment, ruined what I once loved and created a neurotic reaction to merely holding such a blade.

Skip forwards to recent weeks, I’m handling a craft knife with skill and precision. On card, leather, paper and kits. I have no hesitation to use the tools, in fact, I’ve ordered some new.

Yet its only just dawned on me what a huge personal step this has been. To cast off the shadows of my past and uncomfortable memories, to replace them with small little success stories, all the creations I’ve made.

I hadn’t realised how much I had healed and how far I have come since my dark days. These are tools I can relate to learning new skills, no longer pain.

To understand this development, without realising that you have made such a valuable personal achievement has left me feeling stunned and relieved. It almost feels impossible to recall the anxiety I once had and I believe that is a good thing.

Perhaps creativity brings healing…