The Creative Imposter

I am in love with the arts, my passion expands beyond writing,  I adore painting,  but I am no artist.  I try to take pretty photos, but I am no photographer.  I write possibly each day, but I know in my heart I shall never be published,  my art will never grace the walls of any gallery,  my photography will never be found in any magazine and my next project will probably amass to nothing either.  Basically, because it doesn’t matter…

… I crave not fame and fortune,  I can not adhere to the strict ‘rules of writing’ I use far too many words, I tell don’t show… Instead of show don’t tell… and I use far too many dots all dotted around the place in dot like chaos…

I write,  I draw, I paint, I snap photos because these are things I love to do and mediums I admire.  I attend talks by poets, who can stand before an audience and share their words beautifully,  I will travel the country and even abroad to visit museums and galleries to witness displays attend exhibitions of world famous artists and also find local artists hidden in pub attics in small side streets… falling in love with the colours and lines, the words, a dance… inspiration surrounds me, I find beauty in the mundane, a leaf in a puddle becomes a boat for captain ant and his band of merry pirates.

My love delves into music, though I can not play an instrument (yet) I love the world within movies, books, stage and screen,  comics, heroes,  villains, aliens, the macabre, the tortured souls trapped in pages of a dusty novel.  The unknown,  the supernatural,  the inner realms of sincere spirituality…

My name will never grace anything more than this blog and that my friends,  is enough for me …

 

Anne Harrison 11.02.17

 

From Exploring the World to my Inner-World

I found an amazing amount of inspiration while I was away, then the enforced return to normality saw my mood drop and inspiration along with motivation packed their bags and left, ran away together fleeing the daily bus routes and the never ending pressing of buttons. I felt lost and empty for a while, as I struggled to adjust to my mundane life. Never before has 10 days of my life changed my life so much – apart from the exception where I was ill in 2013 – but that’s another story.

I think you get the impression, it sucked being back at work and I couldn’t be arsed with anything. However having said that I do love my job, I love where I live and I love my life. I just dip at times – Everyone does…

Moon, Mood, Hormones, Mundane, Circumstances, People, Politics, Money… There are endless causes for down days and as such I found myself writing a note to myself which I posted yesterday entitled Reading List.

Not only was I lifting my current gloom, I was writing again! This felt like a flood of relief, my words, as simple as they were, were still my words. I write sometimes and I do not know where these words come from, I write without thinking, by just letting them flow through me onto the paper. As some would say Reiki is channelled from a higher source through a healer, or other similar concepts.

I am reminded of a quote from ‘Eat, Prey, Love’ where Elizabeth Gilbert writes to herself in her darkest moments:

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I’m not sure I was doing the same thing or not? My words were more simple, I heard them in my mind, in a voice I did not know. They appeared on the paper unconsciously and once I read them back to myself I was reminded of the lines in a long poem at the end of the Nightwish album Imaginaerum:

“Dear child, stop working, go play
Forget every rule
There’s no fear in a dream”
Song Of Myself

Is it possible that my mind had subconsciously spliced together these two random influences to create my own inferior replica of sorts? … I honestly do not know …

For where do words come from when they pop into our thoughts? Outside influences are unavoidable as we are surrounded by information and technology throughout our waking days, which our mind records and soaks up like a sponge, even though we are unaware of this process and recall very little of everything absorbed. I have to wonder, is there anything really original anymore?

But at least these questions have awakened my dull thoughts, my words (however influenced) have inspired me to write once more and this heavy weight which had been dragging me down has been lifted. I would like to write some more about the marvelous mind, the squishy mass inside our skulls, though that is a blog for another day – I did say I had been re-inspired  – even if my mind does go off on various tangents at once… I suppose I should apologise in advance, for I have no idea where this adventure of the mind/writing will take us.

 

Anne Harrison 05.05.16

Nightwish – Song of Myself – Video with full Lyrics.

Marvelous March

… She says hopefully!

So my course work has finally arrived and here I am, a student once more, notebook at the ready, pen poised, awaiting inspiration.

There is something very comforting about being a student, that desire to delve through books, read and research, to seek out new information, new names, new directions… I have been exploring the creative outlet of blogging since November, sharing my writing, but mostly my thoughts and occasional rant. This freedom of expression has opened my ‘cyber’ world in such a way, it helped to motivate me into enrolling on the new course (that and reading ‘Eat, Pray, Love’) Not through my own work you understand, but by exploring other blogs, other gifted bloggers and such amazingly talented writers.

It has been my absolute pleasure to find such wonderful people sharing fragments of their lives, their poetry, their stories, their views and opinions. The more I read, the more I feel the desire to write. However my desire doesn’t end there, I’ve inherited some astonishing craft supplies recently, my desire to create, pretty pretty work… But I stare at a blank page and feel lost… I have also inherited a violin and recently acquired the details of a violin teacher… But my nerves here trigger an anxiety to make that step, to make that phone call and that step into the unknown. I’m also travelling in March, this inspires my desire for photography… To document my adventure through photographs, sharing my experiences visually… But my talent in this field is very limited…

… You may judge for yourself: Photos!

So, I have a passion for writing, for art, for music, for photography… Yet lack any real skill in any of these areas! The irony is, I don’t care, I might not be an established author, my artistic flare is a humble candle flame, struggling to stay a light in a hurricane. But I still maintain this passion and … well … it really doesn’t hurt to try … Maybe if I keep trying, one day, something, somewhere will actually sink in!

… She says hopefully!

 

Anne Harrison 02.03.16

Ongoing Shenanigans

Carrying on with some pointless randomness…

 

8. Share something you struggle with. 

Resisting Biscuits! This is a daily struggle that I face, I even attempted to limit my biscuit consumption to a reasonable level where I can indulge in my favorite delights. However I frequently exceed these limitations and overdose in crummy scrummy delights.

Is this taking the piss? Am I randomly posting a mundane insignificant ‘struggle’ when anyone else completing this challenge may post something far more deep and meaningful? Or am I honestly facing each day with a mental struggle to keep my diet clean and live on spinach to attempt to continue with my very slow progression of weight loss?

 

9. Post some words of wisdom that speak to you.

Do I even have to explain why I chose these words?

I’m not even a fan of Reggae or Bob Marley *apologies* but I do love this quote!

 

10. Write about something you feel strongly about. 

This is an invitation to address some serious earth shattering complex issues which grip the world; Politics? Animal Welfare? Protecting Children? Environmental Issues? Religion? Size and Starvation? Corrupt Governments? Conspiracy Theories? Body Image or Celebrities?

Erm… Nope! I’m going to include an essay I wrote for University, my theme was Genre and I actually feel strongly about genre, because I see so many people blinkered by their own tastes, their world is limited because anything else doesn’t fit into their genre of choice? They become blind to just how much beauty there is in the world…

I guess the actual theme here is ‘Narrow-mindedness’ that I feel strongly about. Open your eyes and ears, branch outside your comfort zone, feel, smell, indulge and explore! Discover a world with so much more…

Essay – Exploring Genre

This essay is presented for your amusement, complete with lecturers comments…

 

Anne Harrison 02.02.16

 

 

Number 6 and 7…

Having a little more Pointless Fun!

6. Five ways to win my heart.

• Feed me coffee and cake.
• Cuddles and hugs.
• Talk to me.
• Listen to me.
• Be yourself.

 

7. List 10 songs I’m loving right now… *time to abuse YouTube*

• Die Antwoord – Never Le Nkemise 1

• Die Antwoord – Never Le Nkemise 2

• SQÜRL (featuring Madeline Follin) — Funnel Of Love

• Yasmine Hamdan – Hal

• Panzer AG – Battlefield

• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Higgs Boson Blues

• Combichrist – Throat Full Of Glass

• Controlled Collapse-Scream And Shout

• Jace Everett – Bad Things

• Chris Isaak – Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing

 

Anne Harrison 29.01.16

Soul Food

Music is the first thing which goes on in the morning, last thing to go off at night (if I bother) as I also like to fall asleep with  my music on. Music is relaxing, inspirational, motivational, uplifting and so much more. It can ease a broken heart or destroy emotions, get you moving or soothe shattered nerves. These are all simple examples of a complex psychological connections between music and the mind that I can think of, off the top of my head without any knowledge on the subject. I make this shit up.

I am quite sure that there are plenty of really clever people out there with PhD’s or Degrees who can tell you far more about how and why music triggers an emotional response, but that is all very technical and possibly boring, involving quotes from even cleverer folk who wrote several books on theories and wot not.

Alas, I’m not that academically minded and cant talk that language. If I want to explore the relationship between music and emotions, or lyrics and stories, I feel that there is only one way to do this. YouTube!

• 30 seconds of music which promises action, explosions and superheros. Funny how just a few seconds can open a doorway into a whole world of Excitement and Adventure

• How about having your own theme? A theme which can be translated into menace and darkness… A classical piece of music which has been widely used, yet ultimately belongs to just one character. However, there are many characters who own their own theme. Such as this character or that character. Sooooooo many to choose from!

• Music can tell a story, without any lyrics, basically it’s darn clever like that! I couldn’t even listen to this all the way through without a tear rim my eye. Funny thing is, I’m not even sure I know the story too well, but you don’t need to when the music can carry you there without words.

I’ve only humbly touched on only the subjects of themes, characters and story telling with the use of music and I’m already nearly out of lunch time, so so so much fun and I’ve only scratched the surface of this subject. I still want to return to what I was rambling about in regards to characters last week and I have a feeling that if I follow this trail of bread crumbs upon this journey through music, we will pop right back on track… eventually…

Also, I will include some more of my own writing one day, but for now, I’m enjoying this little detour and I wonder where this train of thought will lead to next?

 

Anne Harrison 20.01.16

 

“Hotel California”

I feel like I’ve abandoned my whole thread on Characters by becoming totally distracted by personal situations, pondering over tragedies and my nonsensical rambling thoughts.

However, I distinctly recall warning any reader out there in cyber space, that there would not be any sense of order to this blog, I am also unable to promise that I wont repeat myself either. I just write what is in my head.

Today it’s music, lyrics, music, dance, song, words, tunes and all that jazz… (an intended pun)… Ever listened to a song, submerged yourself within the whole experience, that the outside world ceases to exist and you are consumed by a series of notes, instruments and words, wove together seamlessly in a tight order to produce an audibly perfect emotional sensation.

Lyrics may dance you off into the vivid world of a surreal imagination, they may embrace themes similar to literature, romance, war, death, tragedy, adventure, space exploration, murder, love, heartache and getting jiggy with it. Lyrics can tell a story or be a series of repetitive chants…

I LOVE music, a lot of very different music, very different styles, very different tastes, very different genres… As such I see this as just the perfect excuse to include some lyrics from songs I utterly adore, it’s my blog, so I can do shit like that… I had to restrain myself to just five, else we could be here all day, but there is nothing stopping me including more in future blogs… Because it’s fun and besides, I want to see what stories are told within my favorite songs, when all music is removed and you are just left with the words on the page, can you hear the song in your head? Or, if you don’t know the song, what images are formed in your mind, can you see a tune within the lines? Beauty? Horror? Mystery? Are literacy genres exposed in poetry disguised as lyrics?

You know I don’t have any answers, I’m not that clever, I just pose questions, muse over ambling ponderings, without any conclusions, just an appreciation for a wide range of music and the stories locked up inside the musical notes…

 

Anne Harrison 19.01.16

 

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Higgs Boson Blues

Can’t remember anything at all
Flame trees line the streets
Can’t remember anything at all
But I’m driving my car down to Geneva

I’ve been sitting in my basement patio
Aye, it was hot
Up above, girls walk past, the roses all in bloom
Have you ever heard about the Higgs Boson blues
I’m goin’ down to Geneva baby, gonna teach it to you

Who cares, who cares what the future brings?
Black road long and I drove and drove
I came upon a crossroad
The night was hot and black
I see Robert Johnson,
With a ten dollar guitar strapped to his back,
Lookin’ for a tune

Well here comes Lucifer,
With his canon law,
And a hundred black babies runnin’ from his genocidal jaw
He got the real killer groove
Robert Johnson and the devil man
Don’t know who’s gonna rip off who

‘I FINK U FREEKY’ by DIE ANTWOORD

Sexy boys, fancy boys
Playboys, bad boys
I fink u freeky and I like you a lot [x4]

Motherfuckers get buzzed off the spice that I bring
Guess who’s got the party jumpin’?
Glow in the dark rave, aura pumping
It’s nice and different, yo fuck the the system
My system pumps off it’s fucking face
Step into my world nou’s jy tuis in paradys
Yo word up to my brother, muis
Pump up your speakers, God se Jesus.
Kyk wies rapping, lekker to the drum
These bad boys like to smack me in the bum
My crew’s blowing up like Chappies bubblegum
Popping in your face, nyaaaa
Yo fuck the rat race my style is rap rave
My crew is kak fresh, so who the fuck cares?
What you fucking think, I’m the type of chick
Who rolls with spif giftige misfits

Peace Sells – Megadeth

What do you mean, “I don’t believe in God”?
I talk to him every day.
What do you mean, “I don’t support your system”?
I go to court when I have to.
What do you mean, “I can’t get to work on time”?
I got nothing better to do
And, what do you mean, “I don’t pay my bills”?
Why do you think I’m broke? Huh?

Yasmine Hamdan – Hal

حل 

أهواك ..
وإن مر يوم من غير رؤياك
أنساك ..
واشمعنى المرة دي رسماك
الشوق يحرك الحنين ومن القلب
الليل يطول والنهار يعدي بالقلب

يا هشة عَ قلبي
الفرقة تئلمني
أنا ما عندي حل ..
أنا ما عندي حل ..
لا قلبي يحب مرة
لا قلبي يحن مرة

Translation:

i adore you
and if a day passes by without seeing you
i forget you..
how come this time i drew you
the Longing moves the nostalgia in my heart
the night gets longer and the day passes backwards
oh my fragile heart
the separation is killing me
i have no solution (hal)
i have no solution
my heart doesn’t love once
my heart doesn’t long for you once either

Combichrist – Throat Full Of Glass

Beyond cruel received
The comfort in a broken heart
Now palette shades
An image after life

Alone, surrounded by a million faces
One by one
I see the judgment in your eyes

Like a disease
I’m always in the wrong
And now the numbness wearing off
Can’t stand the pain

I get in line, I always do
Need to be patient while perfecting
That’s the sign

I cannot help it, can’t decline
It’s always better down the line
I’m in the wrong and I’ve done it all before

And I wish I’d never been
And I know it’s just a dream
Now I’m blind, I can open my eyes

Photo: The Urban Voodoo Machine at Simon Says Festival Leicester 2015

(Photo By Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee…)