Tatterhood

Tatterhood's Musings

90/365

Hello blank page, here we are again. I like this, the start of new thoughts. The beginning, having this space here to write. This is my peace of mind, this is my freedom and my own personal council.

Crap day? I talk my way through it and I’m back on track again.

Good day? I can count my blessings and focus on what makes me smile.

Creative day? You might get some fiction!

Perhaps I should stick to fiction? Yet I have come so far… Only another 275 days to go!

I don’t know who reads this or why? I know this was a personal challenge, to get me to focus more on my writing, yet my writing has developed into more of a diary (minus details) perhaps I should call this vague-blogging? Or perhaps, I just write what I need to write for that day.

Today is a good day and I am thankful…

Anne Harrison 31.03.18

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89/365

Does change make you uneasy?

I’ve spent the entire day, the whole day, working hours longer than my actual working hours to declutter, store, clean, sort, swap, tidy, sweat, cry, swear and dust my tiny little home.

Done jobs I’ve been putting off for far too long and placed in storage items I’ve not touched in years. Thrown away items gone beyond their best and very nearly got everything done.

Now, instead of an exhausted satisfaction,  I’m left with a small lingering anxiety because I’ve made a lot of changes in just one day.

Things … feel different  (and clean) … I’m nervous about change tonight and I can’t explain why? There is no logical sense why changes create insecurities.

Yet we establish a non-existent irrational fear to things/items being moved, packed away or disposed of… Space, where there was clutter … order, where there was chaos …

Change feels awkward – perhaps I’m too tired to truly comprehend the extent of work achieved in one day? … perhaps I’ve gone too long without food?

Tomorrow I’ve promised myself some time to rest. Tomorrow I might feel more at ease and less like I’ve done something wrong? 

I’m glad I have the blog, to put into words exactly what I need to reflect upon and although I might not have any answers to ease my juddering thoughts. I feel a little rebellious.

So, I’m going to neglect the pots, nibble chocolate, curl up with the kitty and have an early night.  Tomorrow,  after all,  is a new day…

Anne Harrison 30.03.18

88/365

Day 88 – Another day and another blank screen before me. I wasn’t sure I would actually get this far when I started this challenge? Yet here we are 88 days into 2018 and I’m still finding time to write each day.

I shall admit that there has been little or no flow to my scribbles, the strange little tale I started some years ago has dwindled to a painful halt – due to real life distractions which have guided my thoughts off in various unrelated tangents. I still write far too many words than I actually need to express myself and my lunch time ramblings have consisted of thoughts and adventures and really bad poetry and repeating myself.

I thought of a good theme on the bus this morning – I wanted to write about why a grown woman in her 40’s would want to spend her spare time making costumes, inventing characters, getting engaged in Cosplay plus all the sticking sewing, gluing, spending and props that come with it. I had never learnt to sew properly until I challenged myself to make a full length patchwork leather trench coat … because I thought it would be a good idea – it took me two years to hand sew the whole bloody thing and I’ve incorporated it into several Cosplay outfits and got some very welcome compliments. Now I have a sewing machine! Which really intimidates me – so generally I still sew by hand.

There are at least five (or six) more costume ideas rolling around inside my scrambled thoughts and I’m always kinda improving or adapting existing costumes. So what is the attraction? Cosplay doesn’t have any age limit (My dad did his first Cosplay at the age of 77) – rules are made to be broken and brought costumes are worn along side cardboard cutouts and both are perfectly acceptable.

Existing characters rub shoulders with created characters or a mash up of characters and no one minds!! There is a freedom of expression which is welcome and liberating. To step away from yourself and become someone else for a day, to leave the mundane behind, to act without acting and to be a child again – playing dress up – to role play without dice.

To be wild and free and creative!

 

Anne Harrison (as various characters) 29.03.18

Umbrella Corp Zombie

Steampunk Slytherin

Tank Girl

Tairrie (Own Character)

Jack Burton

Totoro

Nomad – Hardware

Shaun – Shaun of the Dead

Dad as Station Master
for Platform 9-3/4

87/365

86/365

Eighty Six days into 2018 – Christmas and New Year, feel like a distant memory. Any resolutions are hazy and a little hit/miss throughout recent weeks. I long for the sunshine and heat to return to the UK. I’m exhausted with the cold and rain, yet rain is forecast to haunt our Easter hols… I so want to get some work done outside, but I’m restrained by the weather – by money and lack of motivation.

The time shift over the weekend has had zero effect upon my life and although I’m still a little phased out by travelling recently, I’m starting to see the sun beyond the gloom and trying to get my mind focused on self improvement.

Easier said than done – however – now I can put a few issues behind me now – perhaps I can re-start my New Years Resolutions with more enthusiasm. Without limping along – my mind and my time scattered in a disorganised chaos.  Perhaps?

See… The thing is this – I know what I need to do – How to do what I need to do (and most importantly) I know I can do it … I have no excuse, no reason for inactivity. Now that I can put all drama in the recent past, I hope I can pull some motivation free from being trapped under a ton of stress related procrastination.

At least that is the idea – it’s a constant idea – I’m repeating myself again…

… But perhaps if I just continue to repeat myself – it will finally sink into my thick skull and I’ll find the strength within myself to be true to myself…

At least the Blog has been a consistent companion, even if my themes have been a little all over the place of late – travelling and long days have stolen focus to have a running theme and I’ve been having to grasp time when I can to write. So sometimes you just get the current nonsense on my mind and my haphazard thoughts… I would ‘try’ to keep to a running theme… But that’s not my my brain works – so I’m afraid, if you’re reading this, you’re along for a jumbling stumbling ride throughout the year with me.

Strap yourselves in – we could end up anywhere!

DSC_0134.jpg

Anne Harrison 27.03.18

85/365

Beyond the walls of the metropolis, in the waste lands…

The brooding soldier stalked from room to room of the deserted apartment block. His face static his finger easily at rest on a trigger which only required the slightest pressure to extinguish life, Before him leading the way, a woman, clad in a worn combat jumpsuit. Occasionally she would stop…
He held up his hand to halt the progress of the troops who followed in their wake. She paused and focused on a point of the wall by a door.
‘There.’ Her mental voice was picked up through the ear piece only the Commander wore.
Nex trusted his medium without question and upon her directions he opened fire at the wall. His men followed suit, their sonic shots tearing through the plaster and masonry with an eerie silence. Dust erupted into the air as bricks crumbled under the sonic assault. Destroying the partition with ease and exploding the minds of those foolish enough to think they could safely hide within the wall cavity.
Fifteen bodies were pulled out of the cramped hideout, their eyes melted and the dark remains of their liquidised brains running from their ears. The troops collected citizen ID implants from the corpses, as well as anything else they considered of use or value, an added bonus to subsidise their haphazard pay. By dusk they had collected nearly a hundred ID chips and left behind a dead town.
He stood alone, watching the sun set slowly over the ruined buildings, the stench of decay rancid as the shadows started to lengthen. Various scavengers and vermin started to crawl out from their dens to feast on the deceased.
‘Do you enjoy this?’ The medium’s words resounded in his mind, drawing his attention away from the carnage. He turned to regard her.
‘There hasn’t been a single case of the virus in years,’ she added.
Nex glanced back at the destruction and the blood-red sky, then spat on the ground, hoisted his rifle across his shoulders and slowly turned to follow the rest of the mercenaries.
He left the medium’s question unanswered.’
They had made camp by the time he caught up with them, a few miles away from the remains of the town in a cove of skeletal trees on a slight hill rise. A good defendable position. Sentries were already posted and everyone else fell into their roles.
“So Commander you finally decided to join us!”
A tall uniformed half-breed with long dreads greeted him as he finally approached the encampment. He paused to regard the unusual soldier, whose warm smile exposed two hog-like tusks protruding upwards from his bottom jaw.
“Still brooding, Sir?” His question was more of an observation. “The men won’t take orders from an absent leader!” He still smiled though; his words were not said in malice. “Just get your act together or I will have to kick your ass!”
The last comment drew a mild chuckle from the Commander and he finally spoke, ending his own uneasy silence.
“I’d like to see you try Boland!” The half-breed had a point though.
He spat on the ground and gathered his troops together to receive their next orders. The orders came through each day at the same time from Control, giving the soldiers co-ordinates for their location, any buildings to destroy, any primary individual targets, any information to gather, any evidence of the virus…
Today was no different with the exception of a footnote for the Commander’s eyes only. That was curious… He spat on the ground and took himself off, away from his men, to receive the private message. Already Boland was putting plans together for their next wave of destruction and as he walked away his men were consulting location grids for the best route to their target city.
“Yeah? I’m alone, watcha want?” He spoke quietly, abruptly, hardly looking at the screen.
“Dadda?”
His heart froze. He focused on the screen. An image of a child was smiling back at him.
“Letz?”
“Hi Dadda!” she beamed, pig-tails bobbing.
“Letz, are you safe?” Nex dared to ask, his parental instinct overwhelming his soldier’s training, even though the transmission would be monitored.
“Uh-huh!” 
The image on the screen suddenly changed to that of a stern mature woman with cropped grey hair and cyber eyes, which glowed violet. Violet – the colour of mental intrusions. He tried to keep his thoughts empty, but the image of his daughter had blinded his mind with rage and panic.
“Relax Commander Sagan, your charming little girl is our guest here at Control.”
Bile rose in his throat, she lied!
“What are your instructions, Ma’am?” He asked, struggling to remain impassive
She smiled – too sweetly. “Your work is commendable, Commander Sagan, your patrol has one of the highest ratings for citizen ID chips retrieved. Control approves of your hard work and…”
“… And what?”
“You are being recalled back to Control after this mission.”
He frowned.
“You will be on your way home this time tomorrow, Commander Sagan.” Her smile was so false.
“Why?”
“Don’t you want to see your daughter?”
He nodded
*End Transmission*
He spat on the ground.
***
The medium stood in his path upon his way back to the main camp. Her violet eyes regarded his stern expression.
“Boland has concerns.” She physically spoke to him.
“I can understand why.” She stepped closer, running her tongue over her lips, her eyes flashing to meet his gaze from under long lashes.
He spat on the ground. “Tairrie, I don’t want to talk about it. Not now, eh?” He forced a smile. “Maybe sometime tomorrow.”
***
Just before dawn, as the mercenaries broke camp and readied themselves for the slaughter ahead, Nex took Tairrie and Boland to one side.
“What weapons do we have?”
Boland regarded the odd question with curiosity. “Mainly sonic rifles, Sir, and a few older weapons that we’ve collected. Let’s see… micro-missile launchers, two-shot capacitor lasers, umm… Blitzkrieg arc-thrower… that’s a beauty! Ah… Now there are flash-bombs, gas jets, flame-throwers, grenade launchers.” He paused, rubbing his chin. “Tri-dart launcher …”
“Yeah, that should do.” Nex smiled.
“Sir?”
“Listen very carefully, Boland, you are my best sniper; I know you can hit a moving target at precisely the correct mark to disable them for collection. I have every trust in your skills and I need you to bring down one man during the fighting today. I need you to take him out the battle, seriously enough to have to call a medi-team, but not fatally. I need this man to be incapacitated for a few days, to get taken away from the team, to Control medi-base.”
Boland frowned. “You know I can do that, Sir; we’ve done so before when capturing targets for Control. But I would usually use a Tazer-grip for such a task, not a tri-dart launcher.” He paused as his Commander’s words sunk in. “You’re not talking about a target, are you, Sir? You want one of our men disabled and made to look like he was hit by a citizen.”
Boland blinked rapidly, a habit he had when thinking things through. Nex just nodded.
“Who?” Tairrie asked curiously.
“Me!”

***

So … The cosplay on Saturday,  that would be based on Tairrie …

image

Anne Harrison  26.03.18

84/365

It was ever so a peaceful dream, in trees away from a city which was mere lights in a distance.

I wasn’t cold though, like the trees around me kept me warm.

As I wondered, I met friends along my path. People I had forgotten,  some long dead, others I saw but yesterday.

But we didn’t talk.

They were following their own path through the twisted roots, leading wherever the snow light draw them …

Anne Harrison 25.03.18

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