I struggle with insomnia at times, not always, but I go through bouts where sleep near escapes me altogether. I have been known just to get up in the night and just carry on regardless, in the hope that by being active, I shall feel tired. Even to the point of dying my hair in the middle of the night – waking up and wondering why it was a different colour!?
Your Ancestors Didn’t Sleep Like You
I actually think this is something easier to deal with living alone, for i have no one to disturb if I get up in the night. For too long I have been fighting insomnia, trying to get comfortable, tossing and turning, counting sheep, counting my own heartbeat, or breath in the hope that repeating numbers would lull me to sleep – only to have my mind chase down wild targets of thought.
Then I started to shift how I thought about sleeplessness. I had extra time in the night to write – i keep an insomnia note book by the bed – hell … I’ve even been known to go out for a walk down to the lake and watch the moon reflect upon the waters surface.
Surprisingly you don’t need a torch, when your eyes shift to seeing in the moonlight, the world looks rather clear and serene.
I used my restlessness, started making a cuppa, colouring, reading, stoke up the fire, get toasty and warm… This way I found when I returned to bed, I actually slept and slept better for my night time activities.
Sometimes, it feels surreal, like your insomnia is a dream and you’re dreaming that you’re awake and can’t sleep, while already being asleep.
In my silly quiz on the 18th, I included some goals that I wanted to focus on. It’s my realisation that (some of) these could be done during my waking nights.
There is nothing stopping me from doing twenty minutes of a Japanese language app…
Perhaps then, I might fall asleep counting in Japanese in my head!?
This concept is very much work in progress, for you never really cease working upon yourself. I suppose, I shall reflect upon all this, then sleep like a babe tonight …
Anne Harrison 20.01.18
Tatterhood 