Dear Thoughts…

Just shut up… Please give me the peace I crave to be creative… but no, not today… one simple thought a single reminder of what triggered my anxiety on Thursday has left me crippled today. My brain replays false memories,  creates invented scenes which haunt my thoughts and makes me feel sick…

… I actually have a day to myself to do my thingies, the thingies I like and instead I’m stuck playing silly games on my tablet because I’m frozen beyond the ability to function.
… The reality is, there is nothing there… no reason to fret so, no cause beyond a single thought… Nothing… yet from nothing I am trapped inside my head, swirling whirling worries consume my life today and I’m lost, loosing time, my time, to my mind…

That is why I am putting this into words, so I can see that there is nothing there… like the spooky shape in the shadows, there is nothing there!

I need to be thankful,  I do not get anxiety as much as I used too… my depression,  my anxiety, my panic attacks… these are all fractions of the old me, who I used to be, who I was, the Anne I had to give up so that Anne could move on…

Trouble is,  these little fractions, they are still part of me, we don’t totally cast our skin and they can stay hidden,  blinded by the light that makes me shine, but occasionally they surface and spread their ink through the light,  turning thoughts into illusions that consume the mind…

But there is nothing there, nothing at all… when you turn on the light, the spooky shadows diminish and you can see clearly that only your imagination was creating the creature that lurks in the gloom…

… time to turn on the light Anne, there is nothing there… *hopefully*

Anne Harrison 12.02.17

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