Reasons Why I Could Never Write Movie Reviews

*A Personal Amusing Musing*

 

I go to the cinema more often than I should, I adore the solitude, the time to escape the mundane and plunge myself into a tale. I adore the darkness, the ice cream and the size of the screen. I watch a whole range of genres, but mostly Horror, Marvel/DC, Action, Thriller… Basically anything with explosions…

… I’m enjoying my work on my blog, the way it skips from the short scenes of a progressing story, merged with my dreadful poetry and random thoughts, with a sprinkling of rants to spice things up a bit occasionally. Several friends have suggested that I could use this space here to add some Movie Reviews to accompany my passion for the cinema. I can’t do that.

I don’t like movie reviews and I hardly ever read them, I like to form my own opinion with an open mind, I don’t like to know the story before hand, I go on the strength of ‘trailers’ which means I have sat through some weird shit before now, because I wasn’t really sure what I was letting myself watch. Though that is really half the fun at times! A movie review – at the end of the day – is but one persons view alone.

I have noticed that reviews are written in a certain tone of voice, quite similar to professional bloggers, or at least those who take their blog far more seriously than I. A review needs to be carefully written in order to avoid spoilers… This would be my first hang up, I would want to write about the story instead of Mr Fame Pants dreadful acting.

So I would possibly unintentionally let spoilers slip.

I don’t see films as acting – I submerge myself into the tale so much that I forget I’m watching Mr Fame Pants working and I see the character instead. Problem number two – I couldn’t judge ‘acting’… I am very easily entertained  (I think this is because I do not own a TV) so basically everything is awesome…

I think should I write a review, it would run along the lines of overwhelming enthusiasm an overdose of the word ‘awesomeness’, unintentional spoilers and a summery which is based on whether I would buy it on DVD or not…

Lets face it, I’m not good at being critical, I prefer to be emerged, I forget to look for ‘Easter Eggs’ I never scoff which an unimpressed “As if!” … Because it’s a movie – it is designed to be beyond real, to be fantastic, emotional, larger than life and make believe…

I think I’m too dipsy to write a clear review as I can get too excitable, I always have, I could not sit still in my seat as a child because I wanted to jump into the screen and throw myself into adventure. I believe my movie obsession fuels my love for writing and I am fascinated by the whole process from idea to story to screenplay to screen (and all the little steps in between) Yes! I do judge a film against a book – if I have read the book that is – But I can accept that a film is another persons translation  upon the book and everybody see stories differently in their minds.

I can’t write a film review – I prefer to collect experiences and each film I watch at the cinema is another experience to treasure.

 

Anne Harrison 10.11.16