A Twist in the Thought Process

I have been longing to write about Religion, my faith, beliefs and how these are fragile remnants of a once significant aspect of my life…

… But each time I dwell on this subject, my thoughts and what I desire to share are filled with resentment, neglect, rejection, toxic friendships (long past), ego and drama… All these horrendous negative concepts which bred in the darkness of my mind, where self confidence was fragile and insecurity merged with depression ruled my life… This feels like a lifetime ago, a very different me, with very different issues…

I found myself wanting to rant and stomp my little feet, to rave and scream like a wild woman… Passionately thudding my breast and declare to the vast heavens about my injustice, my agony… my my my… me me me… I unleashed my hurt, old issues and personal agenda.

These troubled thoughts haunted my mind until yesterday, yup, only yesterday… When writing about cake and the small things in life, my simple outline of a lovely sunny day and the amusing quality of feeling like a giant when sharing miniature cakes shifted something in my thoughts, I am not sure how or why this happened, only that a switch flicked somewhere deep within me and I realised I did not need all this baggage, that I was looking at all these memories through a thick storm cloud of frustration and not with clarity.

I was ignoring all the positive elements, all the happy memories, all the places I had visited, events I had attended, lessons I had sat through, skills and knowledge I had developed… All these beautiful foundations of who I am… I had shamefully hidden them under a veil of my own creation.

I felt like I had woke up, shook myself down and stared at the cat and realised *finally* that none of all that old drama mattered anymore, that this negativity was becoming a drain on my peace of mind, that I didn’t need to hold onto this anymore…

I let go, but at the same time, I also let go of my need to write about my religion. Because sometimes, even as a writer, I need to learn that some words are best left unwritten…

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Thank You for Reading

Anne Harrison 10.08.16

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