Blog Number 60 stands upon the eve of a big adventure in my life.
March hasn’t been so marvelous so far, things are still a little trying and a few times I have pondered over the idea of pouring my heart out in a blog, to voice my concerns and clear my mind, but time has not given me the opportunity to write and my words have escaped expression.
Sleep has been a gift and I have been able to recharge my dwindling batteries, ‘Taking one day at a time’ has become our motto, as situations involves more persons than myself alone. So this approach has been able to allow us to find the strength to carry on, I know this situation will ease in time, we even have an appointment date (April 1st) to get the final details ironed out and I know we can breathe again after this point in time.
I realise my writing is at the best cryptic, I’m attempting to express myself in such a way that I don’t have to write painful details that cause distress. Please know, I am alright, I am fine/ish…
I wear a certain amount of guilt upon my shoulders, as a trip I booked, prior to life tumbling into chaos, dawns upon me in a few days time. I am still going away, I am concerned about going away, but I know that I am not in control of fate… So I have been encouraged to go ahead with my journey.
This is a trip of a lifetime, something I have never been able to afford before, somewhere I have always longed to visit, the longest journey I have ever embarked on. I am nervous, I am excited, I am worried, afraid, overjoyed… A whirlpool of emotions spin around inside my mind… Last time I had a spontaneous idea like this, I ended up enrolling in University. This spontaneous idea has resulted in a holiday to Japan.
Maybe I am getting more adventurous in my old age, maybe I am finding confidence I had thought was lost forever, buried under a pile of aging, steaming, vile words, that once destroyed my self worth. Digging myself up out of the gloom, pushing my comfort zones and broadening my horizons. For the first time, in a long time, I feel comfortable to look ahead, to embrace dreams and goals instead of automatically considering everything out of my reach. I’ve worn the ‘I’m not good enough’ t-shirt for long enough!
On Saturday I will be in Tokyo, a very very long way from Little Leicester.
Anne Harrison 16.03.16