Well there you go, it turned up in the post yesterday!
I never anticipated that I would ever graduate from University … Granted it was only an evening class, just three hours each Wednesday for two years, four assignments, essays and an impressive reading list to chew through. I guess it’s easy to dismiss an evening class as a bit of fun and something to amuse one’s self in lazy evenings surrounded by literature and writing quirky tales of romance and adventure.
Or at least that’s what i thought it would be like, I had this crazy notion that the silly stories I had been writing since my teenage years were somehow hidden masterpieces and that would be amazingly discovered and transport me into literacy nobility. Yes, I have a vivid imagination! …And that is about all… I cant write for shit! That is what I learnt more than anything upon my course and I say that will all honestly, in fact I’m pleased to admit that, because I am not fooling myself into believing that I am something, which I am not.
So why bother?
I wanted to challenge myself, I wanted to go to University and study at a University level and at least say I tried in life!
Truth is I loved and hated the course all at once, I loved it so much because it has blasted my world wide open into so many genres within the arts, not just literature and not just writing. Hated it, because of the suffocating rules placed upon writing, and not just punctuation, spelling and grammar… Though I pretty suck at that kinda shit too… I mean the never ending ‘Show don’t Tell’ rule and its pesky relations, which I found impossible to understand at times and at other times, a positive delight to ignore…
But! I got a Merit!
So… after all that self-conscious agony and torment and I mean actually utterly detesting my work because I challenged myself to write in a different genre, to delve head first into poetry and falling in love upon the way, for opening my eyes and my heart as well as my imagination. To cast off old self-imposed limitations and discover a world so vast and beautiful, that is why I still write. Maybe just my thoughts, my inner muses, maybe I will get round to finishing some of the tales I started upon my course. Instead of leaving my cast of characters forever dangling in literature limbo land, waiting to be animated again by words upon a screen.
I am quite proud of myself, I don’t think I will ever go back to University to do a proper degree or higher, I honestly do not believe I am clever enough, I struggled to grasp the academic language and I am aware that I misunderstood parts of the course…
Maybe I could have tried harder, could have done better, needed to focus in class, forever a daydreamer…
… That, That is something I have been hearing since junior school!
Why would it be any different now?
Anne Harrison 07.02.16