23. A letter to someone, anyone.
I wrote a very long, very heart felt letter to an old friend, a teacher. Someone I admired and someone I have lost touch with. I came to save this letter and I couldn’t, instead I discarded the whole document unsaved into the black hole, where unsaved work vanishes into nothingness.
I could not even save the words I had been longing to say for so many years. Therefore neither could I share these words. I don’t even have them locked up inside my brain anymore, for the exact content of the letter I can not recall word perfect and any other letter I attempt to write will never express how I felt at that time in my life.
That moment is gone, like the words I had written. Fleeting time, escaped my mind.
I wondered who else I could write to?
- The man I adore?
- The Mother I can no longer connect with?
- A childhood friend?
- A stranger on the bus?
- A famous celebrity?
What would I say and how would my words be greeted? For words can be mistranslated, they are tricky little buggers, especially when you want to express your feelings, for feelings are also cunning little buggers who can be impossible to put into words. So much is left unsaid in life, just like the deleted letter, lost forever, just like the moment it look to write it, lost in the near past of my mundane life. I am left still carrying these feelings, they do not go away, but neither are they at the fore front of my daily thoughts. If my mind has a filing system these would be filed under ‘The Un-Said’ …
And just like that my thoughts trail onto the next moment and the activities which consume my time, the boring and the fabulous events which make up my life. I am left forgetting what might have been said if I had pressed save instead of discard? Would I have absently posted Number 23 without a thought, safe in the knowledge that my old Teacher would never have seen this blog post any anyone reading it would have no idea who I was referring too, would I have ambled ahead to Number 24, onward to 30 and finished this challenge? Which I have failed to take seriously anyway…
Why then, at Number 23, have I ceased to continue. Why do I feel that I can not complete this silly silly series of posts? Truth is, I don’t know, I feel like I have hit a stumbling block, every other question feels null and void.
Looking back at what i have written, I’ve hardly gone into any form of detail, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have, but I suspect they are not regulated in any way and are perfectly open to interpretation, though there are nothing more than a collection of pointless lists and mundane facts about a faceless name on the other side of a screen.
So I am going to leave my writing challenge dangling here at Number 23. Un-Finished and discarded like an old drink can tumbling in the breeze. Filed with ‘The Un-Said’ … The Un-Finished collect and lay dormant sleeping…
Anne Harrison 05.02.16