Having re-read through what I had wrote on Saturday morning, I feel a little overwhelmed by my own words. I don’t usually post my blogs on Facebook, I keep toying with the idea, but restrain myself to Tumblr and Twitter. Which are sites I prefer anyway. So why did I feel compelled to include (then remove) the previous post on Facebook? Was it attention I craved? Had I wanted to widen my readers? Was it just the simple fact that I feel that there are so many people out there in Facebook land who openly and ‘vocally’ express their own struggle with mental illness, that it was these friends that I wanted to connect with? Or was I simply being an attention seeking drama whore that had a subtle but distinct ‘woe is me’ rant? Possibly the latter!!
See I started writing my thoughts down last year in a way to clear my mind of negative thoughts, to put into words, with pen and paper, whatever was pissing me off. I found that, by pouring all my frustrations out in a notebook, I felt relieved, uplifted and mentally clear. I discarded all the issues in my head, sometimes, most times, writing and re-writing the same shit over and over again. I realise that in some cases, words do not solve the situation. But when you have a mind which decided upon it’s own accord to create drama where there is none, where ones imagination feeds anxiety the fuel it needs to spin one possibility into a whirlpool of disaster. When in reality, nothing is there and nothing ever transpires from the first initial thought, so all following freakouts are null and void.
Amazing thing the human mind, it spirals off on a track of it’s very own, with dark and twisted thoughts, so dire that you literally forget where you are, what you are doing, your actions become animated, robot like, acting on pure repetitiveness of the task in hand with no mindfulness upon what you are doing, mind frozen in panic and fear.
Is this also the way the creative mind works?
I mean, creating disaster from an initial fear for yourself, could therefore lead to creating disaster from an initial fear for a character, situation or imaginary world facing the edge of chaos.
Why do we, as humans always fear the worst?
And why do we always appear drawn to tales with an element of tragedy that befalls our characters?
Something to ponder over in future blogs…
Anne Harrison. 18.01.16