Writing which never got submitted… Nearly… Ever so closely nearly submitted, really actually very nearly submitted as an assignment…
First Daft Draft Animals Emails and then it developed into:
Welcome to The Zoo of Remarkable Ridiculousness
An exploration into the amazing and unrealistic facts of marvellous creatures around the world. Originally created as a Facebook series which ran over a few weeks with the suggestions of readers as basis for the animals covered in the mini bio blogs.
It is a widely unknown made-up fact that our world overlaps the land of make believe. A realm of quirky fantasy and dark mysteries. Most of us (Humans) are blissfully unaware of the unseen as we go about our mundane day to day shenanigans, however our animal companions are more in tune with this world between the veils. As such it feels rather fitting that we begin out adventure with a swift visit to ‘The Zoo of remarkable Ridiculousness’ where we can dip into the unique and fabricated spoofs about an interesting range of beautiful animals.
Inside The Zoo of Remarkable Ridiculousness
*Ahem* this section is possibly best read in the voice of David Attenborough …
As we explore the Zoo together, we shall learn three curious ‘facts’ about each of the wee critters we shall visit, may I remind readers not to feed the delusions, they are very naughty and greedy so the guardians of the mind have put them on a diet.
The first animal upon our tour is the beautiful and mysterious Aye-Aye:
Astounding Aye-Aye Fact #1
Aye-Ayes are tiny mythological creatures who dwell within the gusmet of giants. A giant with a happy Aye-Aye in his gusmet will declare fe-fi-fo-fum most proudly. However a faulty Aye-Aye will result in a half-hearted fe-fi-fo-thimble… Which is not very frightening at all. This goes to prove the importance of the Aye-Aye.
Amazing Aye-Aye Fact #2
Aye-Ayes are huge Jimi Hendrix fans, which clearly explains their fluffy little faces. At midnight under the light of a fool moon, Aye-Ayes can be seen recreating their own Woodstock… Woolstock!
Curious Aye-Aye Fact #3
Ducks are Aye-Ayes natural enemy. Ever since the king of ducks attempted to gate-crash Woolstock, wearing a dog faced bill mask, the King fled with the Aye-Ayes holy relic: The fender strat of remarkableness…
Following on from the Aye-Aye, we come to the magnificent Poodle Moth:
Tremendous Poodle Moth fact #1
Our fluffy Poodle Mothy friends actually have three nose holes! It’s true! Their extra nose is for their very favourite treat, marmalade… Which they horde in their snibberly-sok… This unique internal organ transforms marmalade into fine glittery whiskers, which makes their wool so baby soft…
Mysterious Poodle Moth Fact #2
It is widely believed these Hobbit sized critters…originate from Shangri-La but they are in actuality from a lesser known star in the Aquila system…
Dispelling the myths Fact #3
We know these particular marine animals have a skill at making movies, however it is a little known fact that baby Poodle Moths are born with water wings instead of webbed toes!
I bid you restrain your excitement as I introduce you to the Potoo:
Fabulous Potoo Fact #1
The Potoos national past time is feudia darts, which uses the quills of the humina worm as darts…
It used to be golf, but seeing as Potoos have an irrational fear of Alice Cooper, this had to be forsaken…
However, some brave or foolish Potoos, (usually teenagers who dare each other) still venture onto the golf course…
Potoos and Alice Cooper are rarely seen in the same photograph!
Infamous Potoo Fact #2
A Norwegian Potoo called Cecil Lacey the Third was rumoured to have turned down the role of Marvels Iron Man, which would have made him the highest grossing Potoo in Hollywood, in favour of continuing his research into quantum physics.
Sadly Cecil vanished into a black hole shortly afterwards…
Disgusting Potoo Fact #3
Potoo wee-wee smells exactly the same as dolphin tears!
Heralding from the dark and dangerous depths of Yorkshire, I present to you the one and only Dumbo Octopus:
Stupendous Dumbo Octopus Fact #1
Dumbo Octopus feathers are prized treasures which are highly sought after by mermaids who use them as a form of currency…
Maddening Dumbo Octopus Fact #2
The intriguing Dumbo Octopus is a mysterious little critter. Said to be cause behind Lovecrafts’ madness, these sneaky buggers nibble toes at night causing brilliant and inspirational ideas in the form of nightmares…
Famous Dumbo Octopus Fact # 3
The Dumbo Octopus are well known for writing all of Tom Jones’s greatest hits.
Despite the language barrier between Wales and Yorkshire, these industrious little fellas have taken the music industry by storm…
But! What happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas…
Ta-Da! ~ Enjoy the utter Randomness!
Anne Harrison 25.11.15